PBS KIDS Breakfast: The Cool Kids – What’s New for Today’s Digital Kids

On Sunday, March 11th, I’ll be joining Sara DeWitt (Vice President of PBS KIDS Interactive) at South by Southwest in Austin, TX for breakfast, interactive presentations and Q&A.

We will be discussing a few incredibly cool PBS happenings, both on-air and on the interactive side as well as answering the BIG question of: How do you create content that’s both educational & entertaining?

Within the conversation, we’ll be discussing the exciting development of the new Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood spin off, Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood and show a special Sneak Peek Video Clip from our 1st episode. I can’t wait to share it!

hashtags: #sxsw #pbskids

This is the follow up in a 2 part series with Barbara R. Greenberg, Ph.D., professional consultant on teen issues & contributing expert psychologist for Mode Lifestyle.

Having seen a fair amount of problem drinking among my peers growing up, how can we assist so that they make better choices in those situations? If teens see their parents drinking at social events from time to time, does the teen mind translate this into improper modeling?

Seeing parents drinking responsibly from time to time translates into appropriate parental modeling. Allowing your teens to drink alcohol in your home is on the other hand not a good practice. It sends the message that underage drinking is acceptable. In fact, teens whose parents allow them to drink at home are doing them a major disservice. These teens are at increased risk to become binge drinkers. Parents need to send a clear message that underage drinking is risky and not lower the bar on that.

Let them know that if they are at a party where things are getting out of hand they can call you to pick them up. Encourage your teens & their friends to look out for one another. If one of their friends is in trouble from drinking excessively they should call for help. Finally, keep in mind that teens often sleep over friends’ homes when they want to drink so that they don’t need to face you when they’ve been drinking. Keep an eye on this. You may want to limit the frequency of sleepovers.

Some parents point to the fact that teens in Europe are allowed to drink and that these kids have a healthier attitude toward alcohol. Actually, this is a fallacy. These European countries also have problems with substance abuse.

Can you mention a common issue or two of teens, which might have been lessened if their parents approached it differently when the child was younger?

Teens often lie to their parents because they are afraid that if they are honest their parents will become judgmental, punish them harshly, or show disappointment. Their fears cause them to keep secrets and lie. If parents start, when their kids are young, to create a home atmosphere where their children can be open about their mistakes and errors in judgment then they set the stage for their children to develop into teens who are honest and forthcoming.

What are some of the biggest offenses that parents of teens commit?

1. Attempting to solve all of their teens’ problems for them. This sends the message that the teens are incapable and incompetent.

2. Forgetting that your teens mostly want you to listen, not fix things. Sometimes they just want you to be a sounding board.

3. Acting like a friend not a parent.  Your teens need you to be a nurturing authority figure who provides them with structure and limits. They won’t admit this but I can assure you that it is in fact the case. Hopefully both you and your teens have your own separate sets of friends.

[return to Feels like Teen Spirit – Part I ]

As a parent, even though my oldest daughter is in her tweens, I believe that I’ve had my fair share of angst. But when I talk to moms & dads of teens, I often detect some appeasement as they nod while listening to my stories. While I’m getting glimpses of it now, can the teen stage be that trying and if so, are there measures we can take now to “lessen” some of the future horror?

In Part 1 of a 2 part series, I spoke with Barbara R. Greenberg, Ph.D., professional consultant on teen issues & contributing expert psychologist for Mode Lifestyle, to get some related questions answered.

Do you feel that we have somewhat of an understanding of who our children will become as teens, when they are young?

I believe that we start understanding our children’s temperamental style when they’re young. This does not mean that behavior, attitudes, and reactions cannot change. It simply means that you begin to know what your child’s unique style is from an early age. During the teens our children face an entirely new set of challenges, pressures, and an onslaught of hormonal changes. These factors impact them greatly. Often parents ask me what happened to their child and who is this stranger disguised as a teen. I reassure them by telling them that it is the same person simply “wearing a new set of clothes.”

How does a parent balance the communication vs space issue with their teen?

Teens need both space to decompress and to sort out their own feelings and time to talk to their parents. The answer’s complicated. Here are some ideas:

1. Be mindful of timing. If your child looks preoccupied or a bit distressed then pay attention to these non-verbals & let your teen know that you are available to talk when s/he is ready. You want to respectful of your teen. This goes a long way.

2. When your teens arrives home don’t crowd them with an endless list of questions. Be gentle. Make casual & relaxed conversations. A statement like “Come sit with me” is more likely to get teens to talk than “How was the test?” followed by “How much homework do you have?” & “when are you going to clean your room?”

3. Teens prefer indirect requests for information rather than direct requests. This gives them a feeling of having some control over the rate at which they disclose information. Try “Did you recommend the movie?’ rather than “did your date drive carefully?’ Teens will answer the indirect questions and then start to spill and tell you about the information that you really want to know.

4. Listen & stay calm when they are talking to you. There’s not a single teen who will continue a conversation with a parent who interrupts & loses emotional control.

5. As long as you feel connected to them give them the space that they seem to need. If, on the other hand, you feel that they have begun to isolate completely from friends and family then you may want to talk to them to see if they are facing any major stressors. Again, try to do this calmly and non-judgmentally. This is not easy but it is necessary.

How should a parent best handle the situation when their teen is becoming involved with a clearly “troubled” teen?
The first thing to do is to find out what your teen likes and values about the “troubled teen.” Even troubled teens have redeeming qualities. Remember you don’t want to criticize friends too harshly because teens take this very personally. Ask your teen what s/he gets out of the relationship. Your teen may secretly want help getting out of the relationship.

If you are concerned that the “troubled teen” is negatively influencing your teen then you must monitor the friendship & help your child phase it out. This won’t be easy and Yes your teen may get angry. Keep in mind that you must be able to tolerate your teen’s anger. Your main concern is their safety.

Remember, that you are their parent NOT their friend.

[ Feels like Teen Spirit – Part 2 ]

Such is a phrase I was happy to have avoided for the first 7 years of my son’s life.  A quiet boy with a calm demeanor. Whenever we were with other families I was grateful that he wasn’t one of those roughhousing boys who wasn’t happy unless he was going full-tilt.

Imagine my surprise when my son got into sports…which started with baseball last summer.  All of a sudden we were living and breathing it.   Running, swinging and sliding ALL DAY LONG.  I finally knew the true meaning of “boys will be boys.”

Now fast forward to winter… football season.  It’s cold outside, and it’s a lot harder to get outside to run, but my 8 year old has become equally obsessed with football.  So what’s a mom to do?  Well, this mom found herself saying, “Boys will be boys!” and loosening the restrictions on running and throwing balls in the house.

OK, bad idea.

In his football madness, he was running full speed across the living room and dove for an imaginary ball.  He hit his head so hard on the windowsill that he knocked himself out resulting in a CAT scan, a concussion and 10 stitches in his forehead.  It was really terrifying, but guess what nearly every person who hears the story says… “Boys will be boys!”

So the question is, as a parent, How do you nurture your child’s evolving interests, especially if they involve risk (whether physical or emotional) while protecting him and encouraging him to make smart choices on his own?  

You know, I’m stumped.   Because my own child was up and running the day after his accident and can’t seem to stop!  I have visions of duct taping him to the couch…at least until the stitches heal.  I’d feel like a fraud if I tried to give advice, so please feel free to chime in with your own.   I for one am just happy spring is almost here and we can get back outside.

My youngest daughter loves to climb. So on Saturday I took her to a professional rock climbing gym. Ten minutes later, with her acrophobic Dad safely planted on terra firma, Ella was at least five stories high, unafraid of her growing distance from the ground and that’s where it struck me..

she’s on her own. I can’t entirely protect her anymore, if I ever truly could. But isn’t that my job…

…to protect?

While she’s only eight, my baby’s getting older. She’s beaten me in chess and can leave me winded behind her in a race. So, I guess I taught her how to fish as opposed to having just given her a fish.

It still pangs me though.

How did this happen so fast? With our first child, I guess I didn’t notice how quickly time was flying by because we had another rising up right behind her. Angela told me that I’d eventually get it. I do now.

But I wanted to move onto the next stage of  life. Now…not so sure. Both of my girls are climbing high and I couldn’t be prouder of them. I’m just concerned that if all I’ve ever been is  the lead climber for all these years, can I comfortably make the switch to indifferently watch them fall from time to time?

I hope so.

I’m sure I’m not alone here. Any similar thoughts & if so, what’s helped you happily move ahead?