Bullying has been a top story in the news lately but if you’ve spent any time talking or reading about the subject, you’ll find a huge range in opinions about what actually constitutes bullying and even what age bullying can begin.  We adults have a hard time agreeing what is “normal” kids-being-kids stuff and what is malicious and potentially dangerous.

Since my own 11 year old daughter is dealing with some of this now in middle school, I did a little research on the subject to help her, and me, tackle these issues in a way we can both feel good about.  I think it is important for her to take the lead when confronting a possible bully, but I want her to know that I’m standing firmly behind her in how she handles each situation…especially when I’m not there.

I found that American Girl makes a well thought out but simple book called, Stand Up for Yourself & Your Friends: Dealing with Bullies and Bossiness, and Finding a Better Way.  It is written specifically for girls, however, the information can be applied to boys equally well. Though it targets ages 8+, many of the tips can be shared with children as young as pre-school when they are first learning to navigate friendships.

Often children are unsure as to whether or not the behavior should be considered bullying. The book that can help your child identify bullying behavior:

• Gossiping & spreading rumors
• Name-calling
• Intentionally & repeatedly leaving someone out
• Teasing & insulting
• Intentionally embarrassing someone
• Scaring or threatening someone
• Telling secrets that were shared in confidence
• Using a computer to do any of the above (cyber-bullying)

The book goes on to help each reader by giving her tips on how to either A) ignore the bullying behavior or B) speak up in a way that will be both effective and not cause her trouble of her own.  Next, it gives advice for staying strong under pressure, figuring out why her bully might be acting that way, when to seek support from grown-ups, and finally, how to make sure she is being a good friend herself and what to do if she makes a mistake that hurts someone’s feelings.

There is also a companion journal that offers quizzes and questions for the reader to work out her thoughts and feelings.  My daughter dove right into it.

Let us know how you may have handled a bullying situation with your child or yourself and how it worked out in the end.

I was having lunch with a friend on Arthur Ave. last week & it hit me. If you’re not from the Northeast or you simply haven’t been, Arthur Avenue is the Bronx’s Little Italy. It’s got the most authentic Italian restaurants and grocers and an indoor market that resembles an outdoor street market in Rome with sausage makers to bread bakers and cafes to florists. But my visit taught me more about my job as a Dad than how to get the best prosciutto.

I went to high school a few blocks down the road and it was my 1st time back on Arthur Avenue in about 25 years. The smell, the pace, the walk-up clam bar, the taste of the fresh mozzarella…Madone! Nothing’s changed! It’s amazing that it is still THE place that Italian-Americans go for the best of what they need. It first hit me from a social media perspective, in that they’re constantly adding to their huge fan base. But more importantly I learned 3 things there that clearly carry over in the quest to a better parent:

Know your family – On Arthur avenue, they know their customer. They know what she expects and why she puts her faith in them. Italians are all about famiglia. Generations of customers wouldn’t trust them unless they felt that they were being taken care of and understood. Likewise, I hope that I’m doing my fair share at home so that my family feels that they are being taken care of and understood.

Tradition – There is such an understanding of Italian history and culture in that slice of the Bronx which is what draws it’s people together. It’s the sense of belonging to the group and the pride which comes with that which is so utterly important to Arthur Avenue’s visitors and residents. I hope my kids, as well, carry such respect for who they are and find strength in where they come from.

Passion – Many years ago Joe Pesci was working on Arthur Avenue when Robert DeNiro spotted him & noticed his overwhelming energy. Pesci’s enthusiasm and passion launched his career and such similar excitement can be found all over the avenue. Love what you do and let is show. Such energy is contagious and it shows your kids that not only are you the architect of your own destiny, but you should be enjoying the ride.

Buona fortuna!

I had a lousy day yesterday.  Literally.  I got a phone call from the school nurse that they did a school head check and my son had lice so I needed to come pick him up.  How many of you will admit that you have gotten the same call?   My guess is not many.

Because I’ve found, both from being a teacher and a parent, is that there is a stigma associated with having lice that makes it embarrassing and taboo to talk about.  I get that lice are gross.  Just thinking about it makes you squirm and your head itch.  But the facts are that

1) it’s really common

2) they are highly contagious and

3) studies have shown that lice actually prefer clean hair (so it isn’t a statement about poor hygiene)

It can happen to anyone.

What a lot of people don’t understand is that by keeping quiet about it, we are increasing the number of cases of lice in our community.  Think about it: by the time your child starts to scratch, he has likely already had it for a few weeks.  You should immediately alert the school, day care and/or any parents of the children that your child has been in contact with, especially if it involved a sleepover, dress-up play, wrestling around or other close contact.   If everyone is working at the same time to get rid of the lice, the chances are better that your child won’t be re-infested.  If you keep quiet, the kid who your child gave lice to last week will give it right back to him the day after you finish treatment…. and so on.

So, my point is this… get over the embarrassment.  Suck up the fact that it happens to everyone (or could, probably has or most likely will) and when it happens to you, be courageous and make the calls.

By the way, I highly recommend a non-toxic treatment.  It is more work, but also more effective, less likely to recur, it’s cheap and… well, it’s not poison.  The one we use involves regular old Pantene conditioner, baking soda and a good nit comb to remove every last louse and nit.  And if you are in a more populated area and don’t want to do it yourself and willing to pay for someone else to do the work, there are plenty of people who will do it for you.

[read a related story in the New Yorker]

We ventured on our 1st vacation with another family…ever.  We picked a great place to go and a great family to go with.  These were the professional Disney go-ers. You know the type, they know all the ins & outs – the best place to stay, the best rides for kids our age, the best way to avoid the lines – while we were one step behind most of the vacation, we added in the best restaurants and shows to see!  As Tom said, “You need to try out all the rides so you can blog about it!”  So as not to waste your time & $ when in Disney, here are some valuable tips:

Disney’s Swan and Dolphin Resort – A nice resort with great pricing where you can be in the mecca of Disney but also get away from it for a while and hide out at the Cabana Grill to feel as if you’re in Miami for a bit…

A walk to the Boardwalk  – where we had family bonding on our 4-person Surrey bicycle and motorboats to rent

Boat Launch to Epcot & Hollywood Studios (I’m old school so I kept calling it MGM studios!)

Swan Paddle Boats just off the beach – so cute!

Access to “Magic Hours” which was a life saver during this very busy time of the year.  **warning – to me, this was like running the marathon without training! ( 7-8am, 10-12m or 12-3am  Needless to say we passed on the 12-3am!)

Kimono restaurant – good sushi and even better Karaoke for our 11 year olds to get up and sing!

BlueZoo Restaurant – good food for all, fun ambiance

Epcot Must Sees – We got all of these in during magic hours, without them the fast passes were gone by 11am and the wait times were 2+hours on average!

Soarin’ – crazy fun (nauseating/scary if heights are in issue – as they are for me) ride were you feel like flying.  I had my eyes closed half the time while my eight year old daughter was basically trying to jump off….

Norwegian Boat Ride (sans movie)

Fireworks  – sitting at a café table with cappocino, chocolate crepe watching the fireworks cheoographed to classical music – (my favorite, although not a ride!)

Test Track – for the adventuresome – not my family.  But those with the need for speed love this one!

Magic Kingdom –

Cinderella’s Castle – really…Stop and stare.  So pretty.

 Splash Mountain – we all loved it.  Our family favorite!  Cute, sweet boat ride, then a fun log flume drop to kick it up a notch!

 Jungle Cruise – much tamer than the others, but our guide packed on the silliness, which our kids ate up!

 Peter Pan – So great to be immersed in the world and to fly through it.

 Pirates of the Caribbean – I felt like I was 12 again, but we almost lost my 8 year old who did not appreciate the dark…or the dark humor

 It’s a Small World – a classic.  A must.  I just want to put one of those dolls right in my pocket

 In serious need of a rewrite?  Bear Jamboree – Seriously, bears singing about “blood on the pillow”, making sexual innuendos, and showcasing stupidity and overweight bears?  I know it’s been around forever but that doesn’t make it a classic!

 Fireworks – I didn’t have a chance to get closer to the castle, but the fireworks over Magic Kingdom (as seen from Narcoosee’s) are so good that kids are spoiled forever and all other fireworks shows fail in comparison

Hollywood Studios –

 Toy Story – A favorite for the younger set.  One of the kids couldn’t get enough and between the fast passes and magic hours I think he went on it 5 or 6 times in 3 days!  High score?  101,000 points!

 American Idol Experience – as close as it gets to being immersed in the real experience

 Sci Fi Diner – What can I say, we love a good food experience!  Pretending to be outside, with a dark blue sky, twinkling stars, eating in convertible cars with headlights that light up, watching silly old sci fi movies and eating burgers, shakes and fries!

 Monster’s Inc Laugh Factory – another underground favorite – we loved the interactivity (surprise, surprise!)  where all of us in the audience were featured as part of the personalized animated show.  (“Want to see something cute?  [pause] A baby!”)

 Muppet Vision 3D – Greg and my personal favorite (& Jim Henson’s last completed project) Sooo funny and we love the 4D smells waffed in, water spirted on you, puppets appearing in the theater….

Let me know if I missed any of your favorites!

Two year’s ago seemed like our last “grown ups” New Year’s Eve.

We had a festive dinner with family in Palm Beach, took the kids home, tucked them in and let loose with some friends at The Breakers.  We had a blast, but the next morning the girls woke up and asked, “What about the New Year’s Eve party?  Is it tonight? Wasn’t there supposed to be a party?”  So, at 6 and 8 they were already well aware of the festivities that surround New Year’s Eve and we have since been in search of the best family celebration.

This year we rang in the New Year with close family friends who also have children our kids’ age. What better place to go for a family New Year’s Eve than Disney World!  After much debate and multiple reservations (Elizabeth and I are both in search of the best family NYE), we ended up getting dressed up for a party of 8 at Narcoossee’s at the Grand Floridian for 5:30pm reservation.  Chef Noah was outstanding (dealing with my never ending scroll of multiple food allergies in style).  We all had our best meal of the vacation – and Chef Noah went completely off menu to create a special dish for me – – fresh sauteed winter greens, kobe steak, and even my own dairy free tofutti ice cream and brownies for dessert!

The kids enjoyed the balloon man who made them all atypical balloon hats and then we watched the Magic Kingdom fireworks from the outdoor patio on the water – with accompanying music. A great way to ring in the new year!  We headed inside for the party – a grand celebration in the lobby of the Grand Floridian.  Drinks, live big band music and thousands of big, multi-colored balloons hanging over our heads for a midnight balloon drop.  Problem?  Well…the big band music was a tad sleepy and soft for a real rockin’ party…even with kids.  We can all dance up a storm – – if the band was playing something upbeat and fun!  But instead, we had hours of “A Dream is a Wish You’re Heart Makes” (my personal favorite but for 2 hours?) and sleepier Count Basie selections than the event required.

I know we kept the kids up late, but at 11 and 8 years old they were really excited. And once they saw the netted balloons, just waiting to be released overhead, they weren’t going anywhere.  So after the big countdown, midnight finally came, thousands of balloons dropped overhead to Old Anzine and it was a New Year’s Eve to remember!

Happy New Year everyone & please let us all know your favorite New Years spot!

Do I have control issues? Perhaps I do. But admission is 1/2 way to recovery…or something to that effect.

I saw this Melted Snowman Cookie Tutorial on trulycustomcakery.com which looked very simple/creative. So we figured we’d (as in my 2 kids) give it a try for some cute holiday cookies to be used as place card holders for dinner.

Our expectations are often quite different from the final product…symbolic, perhaps. But when my kids roll up their sleeves to create, for some reason it’s hard for me to take off the art director hat. This is probably my biggest hurdle when it comes to parenting, not the art director part but simply “watching” them independently attempt…falter…attempt…falter (& repeat).

I know, I know, Live & Learn should be my mantra as a parent. But it’s not easy for me to get out of the way. I guess it’s obvious what my New Years resolution will be!

Whenever I meet new people, after delivering a speech or simply along my travels, I often hear how “lucky” I am. While I understand that it’s meant well, the word “lucky” rubs me the wrong way somewhat, as if I danced through life with few sacrifices or few challenges. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Achieving anything great requires sacrifice (for me, it’s missing out on more time with my family) and challenges (add all those neigh-sayers to that growing list).

There are hundreds of great quotes regarding success, but I think the one that really rings true is one that comes from my friend Aimee. Well, it’s actually from Reba McEntire, and it goes, “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.” She hit it right on the head. Let’s deconstruct this to get the most out of it:

DREAM – To wish, one needs to be able to dream (not to be confused with the dreams of sleep).  Giving serious thought to what would make you not just happy, but fulfilled, allows you to dream BIG. Such thinking allows you to acquire the unobtainable instead of allowing overly realistic thoughts to hinder your cognitive progress.

COURAGE – If I had a dollar for everyone with a great book or show idea, I’d be living in Fiji right now. The fact is that many people have amazing ideas but it’s the follow-through that hinders them. It takes real courage to stand up for an idea or belief, especially when others, particularly those closer to the top, do not agree. Having a strong backbone allows you to fight for your voice to be heard.

HUMOR – I’ve had my share of quality show ideas that never made it past their pilot script. And when I turn on the TV and see what resides in that time slot, it’s at times laughable. Things don’t make sense, but if you take them too seriously, you’ll end up a bitter and angry person. I think it’s fair to say that as we get older, the world gets a tad crazier. Do what you do best and take a more lighthearted approach to the things that you have no control over. And remember, nothing spells success better than happiness.

Last holiday season, I took my girls to a nursing home to visit their great grandmother. As she was always so happy to see them and loved when they performed, this time she was welcomed with a little song and dance they had worked on for her. The sight of this strong and often rigid, ninety-seven year old woman with a big grin on her face, and a proud look in her eye was something I’ll never forget. She called over her friends, some busy nurses and even some passersby to get a glimpse of the show. Who knew that “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” sung by a 9 year old and a 6 year old would have created so much joy!

The Environmental Protection Agency confirms that intergenerational relationships “benefit the elderly in their socialization, stimulates their learning, increases their emotional support and improves their health”. For children it “enhances their social skills, improves their academic performance, decreases drug use and increases their mental stability”. All I know is, we had struck gold in that moment and for my grandmother and my girls it was a gift that kept on giving. To me, those memories of being connected with loved ones is what the holidays are really all about.

This year I’m asking for the key to what life is all about…time. Time to spend on simple actions that make memories which will last a life time. Take some time this holiday season to:

– Spend the afternoon making holiday cookies with Grandma
– Video tape interviews with your family members
– Play a long game of Monopoly with friends and family
– Take a turn putting on the red velvet suit and be Santa on Christmas Eve for your family or your friends!
– Don’t just have Christmas dinner, have the whole family spend time to help make it together
– Go around the dinner table and play, “One of the many things I love about you is…” and have everyone answer it about each other.
– Write a love letter to someone special. The best gifts are those that keep on giving and make us smile over and over again. What better gift than your words of all the things that we “wish” we’ve said to our loved ones but never have the time.