My youngest daughter loves to climb. So on Saturday I took her to a professional rock climbing gym. Ten minutes later, with her acrophobic Dad safely planted on terra firma, Ella was at least five stories high, unafraid of her growing distance from the ground and that’s where it struck me..

she’s on her own. I can’t entirely protect her anymore, if I ever truly could. But isn’t that my job…

…to protect?

While she’s only eight, my baby’s getting older. She’s beaten me in chess and can leave me winded behind her in a race. So, I guess I taught her how to fish as opposed to having just given her a fish.

It still pangs me though.

How did this happen so fast? With our first child, I guess I didn’t notice how quickly time was flying by because we had another rising up right behind her. Angela told me that I’d eventually get it. I do now.

But I wanted to move onto the next stage of  life. Now…not so sure. Both of my girls are climbing high and I couldn’t be prouder of them. I’m just concerned that if all I’ve ever been is  the lead climber for all these years, can I comfortably make the switch to indifferently watch them fall from time to time?

I hope so.

I’m sure I’m not alone here. Any similar thoughts & if so, what’s helped you happily move ahead?

No offense, but who’s the slob? I’m not judging here, I simply started to reflect on how we choose to present ourselves and I’m just fleshing it out and…well, I’m just looking for some answers.

In the realm of self presentation, when does the gender division ramp up within couples? I ask because we’d just returned from a mini Bahamas vaca and I couldn’t help but notice that a large number of women looked healthy, they seemed to refrain from throwing on any old, college T and overall, they generally cared about how they presented themselves. On the contrary, their male counterparts looked like they were just awoken, their college T would have been a better choice and they carried themselves like it was their final day on Survivor!

Mind you, I’m a creative that wears jeans 6 out of 7 days, and I’ve never had a subscription to GQ, so while there might be a fashion discrepancy between my wife and myself, I care to look unlike I just emerged from the darkest depths. And while my sense of style might be different, I care to look presentable.

I understand we were on vaca where people are free to relax but that doesn’t mean a razor shouldn’t come into contact with their face or that they have to wear the shirt which they wear to acid wash their roof every fall!

I’m also okay with the fact that more men than women will prefer Home Depot toys over items di’ beauty or personal care gadgetry. What  does concern me, on the flip side, is when great care in oneself emerges from insecurity…a necessity to do it for others or some similar old fashioned attitudes. However, self love comes 1st, regardless of gender.

I just hope that if my daughters chose to spend enough money to send their facialist’s or personal trainer’s kids to college, it’s because it makes my daughters feel good…and if others benefit from their choice, that’s simply gravy. Yes, it’s nice when spouses care to better themselves for each other, but within reason…for they are people and not dolls. With that said, if the husband prefers to present himself as the Yedi, shouldn’t that be okay if every other aspect seems to be tended to in the relationship? Couldn’t Belle still love the beast without him transforming back into a handsome prince?! Or do you think an unkept fashion sense is the uniform of a fed up, non-expressive man pre-coup?

There seems to be such a huge disparity in many cases. Lend some insight if you will. As you’ve probably surmised, I’m still wrestling with this one.

Last night I had the privilege of attending “In Performance at the White House: Red,White & Blues” in the East Room of the White House. It was an amazing, star studded celebration of the Blues during Black History Month. Thank you to Dalton Delan, Executive VP & Chief Programming officer at WETA Washington, D.C. for inviting my husband and I to attend such a monumental event. It’s not often that I’m in the front row across from President Obama and the First Lady while being serenaded by B.B. King, Mick Jagger, Buddy Guy, Jeff Beck, Keb Mo and many of the best blues musicians in the biz. 

We enjoyed a few cocktails after the show, were handed B.B.King’s guitar pick, rubbed shoulders with an eclectic mix from all facets of life and were free to walk about that section of the White House…until it was evident, from the uniformed Marine trailing behind us, that it was time to go.  I was pinching the little girl from NJ inside of me all night!  Greg and I agreed that this was one of the best nights of our lives.

The special will be broadcast on Monday on PBS stations.  Check it out and catch Mr. President singing the Blues!

On Blue’s Clues, we intentionally designed our female puppy the color blue. Yes, a girl. And yes, blue. This still amazes plenty of people (especially the older set) upon realization of that little tidbit! We wanted to challenge preconceived notions that things don’t have to be a certain way, regardless of gender or any popular opinion for that matter.

When we categorize or generalize anything, we tend to put limitations on it or reign in our expectations for it. Needless to say, this is a definite no-no in the pursuit of raising an emotionally healthy child.

The problem is that I like personalization and every so often I’ll add an accessory or two with a splash of pink. So should this pink tool set upset me?

If I’m using a hammer or screwdriver in front of my girls does it matter if it just so happens to match my T-shirt? I’m still modeling the strong, can-do woman that doesn’t need a dude to come home and fix it for little ol’ me, aren’t I?

Perhaps since my kids who played with traditionally colored Tinkertoys, have aged out of the Disney princess stage, it’s less apparent to me now. But especially at an age when they’re spending much longer periods of time interacting with their peers and a variety of adults…now is definitely not the time for me to let my guard down!

If anything, these pretty little tools should be a simple reminder that my kids should be raised to pursue a limitless future for themselves and NOT one defined by their gender.

Children face all sorts of difficulties and challenges in their day to day. How they approach these issues plays a large part in determining the outcome. It’s not uncommon for some to misstep, creating identity issues further resulting in different forms of addiction. So how best to deal with important decisions when young? N. Carolina’s tough love approach to childhood obesity wasn’t the least bit effective and with all sorts of informative PSA’s out there, record numbers of eating disorders still occur far from the catwalk.

Marlo Gruber lived through issues such as these, as well as her share of problems with relationships, illnesses and financial hardships. She had grown up in Belleville, NJ before moving to my quiet little suburban hometown of Harrington Park, NJ. In Belleville, people got along with “just enough” which kept them grounded but the scene in H.P. was quite different. Marlo quickly learned that having the stuff isn’t (and most importantly shouldn’t) be everything. Such was the impetus of W.I.N. as what’s often portrayed on the outside, is far from what occurs within.

As an adult, Marlo has developed the W.I.N. (wish, imagine, nourish) program to support and assist children that are going through difficult times. She told me “I didn’t see any support for the challenges kids face, with the struggle to keep up with the false identity society often portrays. As a child I felt compelled to follow & conform to fit in. Trying to be someone I was not. I knew I had something unique to share but allowed it to diminish, to “look” good. I now see my daughter and her friends going through this same struggle and my passion has now been ignited”.

W.I.N. is a step by step program identifying each child’s individual needs. The program “has them focus on the PURSUIT of what they’re trying to achieve, building character by applying self discipline, commitment, responsibility, creativity, virtue, & confidence.” Backed by a NJ Psychologist and Pediatrician, Marlo’s program provides them with the tools to build the individual that they want to be.

Nothing spells success better than that.

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle.

To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”

“The World According to Mister Rogers”

Call it old school if you’d like, but table manners haven’t been tossed to the curb with your Commodore 64. They’re still applicable in our modern day. For the final Parent Show installment based on manners, we discussed this topic with Anna Post, the great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post.

We talked about the benefits of starting the “process” young. And while this definitely helps, parents’ expectations need to be realistic based on their child’s age. Anna gives us some great tips that set them up for success, rather than the ineffective parental nagging about what they should or shouldn’t do. And yes, parental modeling plays a huge part in the quest for table manners that are unlike a vernicious knid’s.

So check out PBS Parents’ The Parent Show: Pardon My Parenting: Episode 3.  Slouch even…should you prefer to.

In the 2nd installment of the 3 part series, I met up with Anna Post to discuss appropriate etiquette when dining out with our children. Specifically in regard to the use of tech devices at restaurants. While proper usage can and should be appropriate, when does it become a problem? And when our kids are utilizing these devices, are they involved at all in the gathering or have they checked out entirely in a digital coma?

We also discussed how we may teach our kids from these  devices and other forms of social media. Modeling good behavior in the digital world is just as important as within our analog reality. And don’t toss your stationery just yet, it’s still the most acceptable means for certain forms of interaction.

Enjoy

PBS Parents’ The Parent Show with Angela Santomero:

Pardon My Parenting: Episode 3

Pardon My Parenting: Episode 4

Excuse me, but with everyone’s lives so incredibly hurried and full, it’s often the little gestures and niceties that are sometimes neglected. Especially in this age of technology, it’s easy for one’s tone or style to seem less personable or to be more blunt…rude. For reasons like these, I spoke with Anna Post, the great, great grandaughter of Emily Post – the queen of social etiquette.

This week, I’ll present these in a 3 part series because PBS Parents and I wanted to share all of this applicable information with you. We discussed the real need for rules for both kids and parents, the great importance of modeling here and some major no-no’s. And in regard to our children, there’s a HUGE respect factor here that we should really be aware of. And to be honest, a fair amount of the faux-pas or concerns, addressed in these installments, I hadn’t even considered myself.

PBS Parents’ The Parent Show with Angela Santomero:

Pardon My Parenting: Episode 1

Pardon My Parenting: Episode 2

I’ve always been interested in the theatre. And I know that my girls got the bug as well. People are often leery when it comes to the acting business, especially when it involves their children.  I went to THE Annie & a veteran in the biz for PBS’ The Parent Show to get some questions answered about how to protect our kids in the business (while staying clear of becoming that “stage” Mom) and how we can best support our kids in their search to follow their dreams, while dealing with rejection & other serious matters, in a healthy manner.

First, I went to Marc Tumminelli who is the owner/director of Broadway Workshop, NYC’s top training program that gets the next generation of young actors to hone their craft while having fun with it. Next, I went to Aileen Quinn, who was chosen from 8,000 girls to play Annie in the original 1982 film version of Orphan Annie.

I could have stayed there all day asking Marc and Aileen questions. Check out the interview to see some of their responses that absolutely apply to basic parenting as well.

[Preview The Parent Show episode]