In this age of instant information, what if an app existed that could tell with 99% accuracy what your child will be as a 35yr old adult? Just enter your child’s information and it outputs the career, happiness level and relationship status of their 35yr old selves? However, whatever you do between now and then will not change the information at all.
How valuable would this information be to you? How would it affect the way in which you parent?
Would you narrow your vision of them..begin to tip the scale..supplying, perhaps prematurely, more of what that 35yr old will need and less of what they don’t?
Angela and I finally saw Emma Caulfield (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) in TiMER over the weekend. In the indie film, people are able to get a clock implanted on their wrist which counts down, to the second, to the time they meet their true love. Not only does this leave all the guesswork behind but the time leading up to that final day can be approached quite differently.
While the search for a “soul mate” concept is interesting from such a perspective, the movie made me think about my job as a parent. Knowing who our kids are today, do we unconsciously label them? Sometimes I feel that I feed the inner thespian in my oldest and malnourish her athletic ability or I strengthen the mathematician in my youngest, with lesser regard for that right side of her brain.
We all try to be well rounded as parents, supplying our kids with the palette and let them paint the way they see fit. But are we 100% unbiased or unobtrusive? Do we let our mistakes growing up affect our parenting decisions? Would we rather our kids take the road less traveled because we neglected to choose such a direction for ourselves?
If this fictitious app ever did exist, the world would be far too focused and..well, vanilla. I’m glad it doesn’t though because we can continue exposing our kids to diverse material with the hope that it helps bring them happiness and fulfillment.
As a parent, have you felt the need to get out of your child’s way at one time or another? If so, what areas have been particularly challenging?
For Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood we have Daniel, himself, sing to the home viewer for the beginning of the song and we intentionally kept it the same as Fred’s original song. Daniel zips up his red sweater, he puts on his little sneakers and even tosses one a la Fred!
If you look closely to this frame you can see all of our nostalgia elements: Daniel is in the foyer, similar to the Mister Roger’s foyer, there are few different colored sweaters in the closet, there is a stoplight, a little trolley behind Daniel, little models of the Neighborhood (made by hand out of clay by Traci Paige Johnson) & even the fish tank.
The song revs up and becomes a modern version of Fred’s “It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.” Daniel hops on the trolley and goes through the (Pittsburgh) tunnel (the one that we go through in the original series) and ends up in our expanded new version of The Neighborhood of Make Believe. We can see many of the iconic characters and some new ones (especially in this open when we premiere in September).
In this scene, you can get a sneak peek to Daniel’s character who wants to be big & strong and carry his own birthday cake all the way home on Trolley. Trolley premieres in this clip too, as you can hear her “ding” when spoken to as the beloved character that she is. Mom lets Daniel carry his cake by himself and he’s excited. Perhaps he’s a bit too excited!
We wanted to showcase empowering preschoolers and helping them through natural consequences. Because, as can be expected, when Daniel gets home, and runs in to show Dad his cake that he decorated at the bakery with his friends, it is smushed. Daniel is naturally very disappointed. Dad Tiger (the original Daniel Striped Tiger) takes the time to talk to Daniel about how he feels, letting Daniel have his emotion. Then Dad sings the disappointment strategy to him, “When something seems bad, turn it around and find something good.” Daniel sings the strategy with the home viewer and thinks about how he can “find something good” in a smushed birthday cake. He thinks. And thinks. And then….”HEY! Do you think the cake still tastes yummy, even though its smushy?” He tastes the cake and guess what? It does taste yummy! And that is something good!
22 years ago at 5am’ish on March 17th, I hosted a party with my college roommates in our off-campus apartment. In our defense, the local dive/pub opened up far too late at 6:30 am to serve up their $.17 beers every Saint Patrick’s Day. So that year we felt the need to start the festivities a tad earlier. It ended up with me getting drenched with a trash can filled to the brim with ungodly water and dashing through the lovely establishment with my overflowing trash can awaiting retribution.
Quite absurd, but nonetheless fun and I came out unscathed.
Today, I get frustrated from time to time when my daughter sits on the kitchen counter or decides against wearing a jacket when it’s below 30 degrees outside. Hypocritical of me to make such choices when I was young but today, giving my daughters a hard time for behavior nowhere near as bad as mine.
Perhaps today, on St. Paddy’s Day, I’ll let things slide a bit more…just a lil’ bit.
An Old Irish Blessing
May love & laughter light your days,
& warm your heart & home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace & plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life’s passing seasons
bring the best to you & yours!
Angela has already posted that she feels strongly The Hunger Games is not a book for kids but it seems that, like-it-or-not, many kids will be lining up in droves to see it. The movie is rated PG-13, but in an un-scientific survey I conducted on parents of 8-13 year olds, most parents said they had not read the book themselves and had NO idea what it was about, however, whether or not their child had read it, many were planning to see the movie anyway.
Since many kids will be viewing The Hunger Games, whether or not they are ready for the content, as a teacher, I think it is prudent to discuss some of the topics that they may have questions about after seeing the movie.
First, the Positive: What can we learn or show are valuable qualities from The Hunger Games?
Survival skills (finding water, food, shelter, fire, being alert)
Staying calm and focused in stressful situations
Resourcefulness and independence
Strength and courage
Kindness and loyalty
Intelligence
Hope
Now, the Tougher Topics that some may be able to draw parallels with in your own lives, families or communities:
Hunger
Mental illness
Classicism (rich vs. poor) and entitlement
Politics (freedom of speech, democracy, privacy, civil rights)
Substance abuse
Depression
Suicide
War
And finally, the Most Difficult to Tackle topics that we really wish we didn’t need to, but that might cause distress for younger viewers/readers.
Good vs. Evil
Murder
Weapons and their use (offensive vs. defensive)
Torture
Execution
Revenge
Psychological torture & control via fear
More politics (big brother, oppressive governments, dictatorships, rebellions and uprisings)
The Black market
Child soldiers
I obviously can’t tell any parent what to say on any of the above topics because it depends very much on your own perspective, your child’s level of maturity & your parenting style, but I believe being prepared for the questions that may come up. Reflecting on your own feelings about those topics in advance will help you answer them more thoughtfully.
If you aren’t planning to see the Hunger Games with your kids, please feel free to share this link with your friends who are.
With all of the screen media (iPads, iTouch, iPhone, Kindle, laptops, etc.) inundating our childrens’ lives, just as many varied answers exist regarding the limitations for such media. The American Academy of Pediatrics tried to address these concerns and released a statement in October which received a somewhat lackluster response from some educators, researchers and media professionals. Well, the NAEYC & The Fred Rogers Center for Early Learning & Children’s Media joined forces releasing their most powerful statement on March 7, 2012, essentially stating that screen technology for young children should not be vilified.
The statement goes on to explain that “our world and technology are rapidly changing”, producing new powerful and imaginative tools, which are not going to (nor should they) leave us. While we must always pay strict attention to the quality of our content, it’s never been more important to educate society on how to properly utilize such tools to benefit our children.
As a creator of thought provoking, quality content for children, I’ve been living that message to inspire children for almost twenty years…so it’s nice to have such power supporting my beliefs.
It’s about education. Not pointing fingers.
This is the follow up in a 2 part series with Barbara R. Greenberg, Ph.D., professional consultant on teen issues & contributing expert psychologist for Mode Lifestyle.
Having seen a fair amount of problem drinking among my peers growing up, how can we assist so that they make better choices in those situations? If teens see their parents drinking at social events from time to time, does the teen mind translate this into improper modeling?
Seeing parents drinking responsibly from time to time translates into appropriate parental modeling. Allowing your teens to drink alcohol in your home is on the other hand not a good practice. It sends the message that underage drinking is acceptable. In fact, teens whose parents allow them to drink at home are doing them a major disservice. These teens are at increased risk to become binge drinkers. Parents need to send a clear message that underage drinking is risky and not lower the bar on that.
Let them know that if they are at a party where things are getting out of hand they can call you to pick them up. Encourage your teens & their friends to look out for one another. If one of their friends is in trouble from drinking excessively they should call for help. Finally, keep in mind that teens often sleep over friends’ homes when they want to drink so that they don’t need to face you when they’ve been drinking. Keep an eye on this. You may want to limit the frequency of sleepovers.
Some parents point to the fact that teens in Europe are allowed to drink and that these kids have a healthier attitude toward alcohol. Actually, this is a fallacy. These European countries also have problems with substance abuse.
Can you mention a common issue or two of teens, which might have been lessened if their parents approached it differently when the child was younger?
Teens often lie to their parents because they are afraid that if they are honest their parents will become judgmental, punish them harshly, or show disappointment. Their fears cause them to keep secrets and lie. If parents start, when their kids are young, to create a home atmosphere where their children can be open about their mistakes and errors in judgment then they set the stage for their children to develop into teens who are honest and forthcoming.
What are some of the biggest offenses that parents of teens commit?
1. Attempting to solve all of their teens’ problems for them. This sends the message that the teens are incapable and incompetent.
2. Forgetting that your teens mostly want you to listen, not fix things. Sometimes they just want you to be a sounding board.
3. Acting like a friend not a parent. Your teens need you to be a nurturing authority figure who provides them with structure and limits. They won’t admit this but I can assure you that it is in fact the case. Hopefully both you and your teens have your own separate sets of friends.
As a parent, even though my oldest daughter is in her tweens, I believe that I’ve had my fair share of angst. But when I talk to moms & dads of teens, I often detect some appeasement as they nod while listening to my stories. While I’m getting glimpses of it now, can the teen stage be that trying and if so, are there measures we can take now to “lessen” some of the future horror?
In Part 1 of a 2 part series, I spoke with Barbara R. Greenberg, Ph.D., professional consultant on teen issues & contributing expert psychologist for Mode Lifestyle, to get some related questions answered.
Do you feel that we have somewhat of an understanding of who our children will become as teens, when they are young?
I believe that we start understanding our children’s temperamental style when they’re young. This does not mean that behavior, attitudes, and reactions cannot change. It simply means that you begin to know what your child’s unique style is from an early age. During the teens our children face an entirely new set of challenges, pressures, and an onslaught of hormonal changes. These factors impact them greatly. Often parents ask me what happened to their child and who is this stranger disguised as a teen. I reassure them by telling them that it is the same person simply “wearing a new set of clothes.”
How does a parent balance the communication vs space issue with their teen?
Teens need both space to decompress and to sort out their own feelings and time to talk to their parents. The answer’s complicated. Here are some ideas:
1. Be mindful of timing. If your child looks preoccupied or a bit distressed then pay attention to these non-verbals & let your teen know that you are available to talk when s/he is ready. You want to respectful of your teen. This goes a long way.
2. When your teens arrives home don’t crowd them with an endless list of questions. Be gentle. Make casual & relaxed conversations. A statement like “Come sit with me” is more likely to get teens to talk than “How was the test?” followed by “How much homework do you have?” & “when are you going to clean your room?”
3. Teens prefer indirect requests for information rather than direct requests. This gives them a feeling of having some control over the rate at which they disclose information. Try “Did you recommend the movie?’ rather than “did your date drive carefully?’ Teens will answer the indirect questions and then start to spill and tell you about the information that you really want to know.
4. Listen & stay calm when they are talking to you. There’s not a single teen who will continue a conversation with a parent who interrupts & loses emotional control.
5. As long as you feel connected to them give them the space that they seem to need. If, on the other hand, you feel that they have begun to isolate completely from friends and family then you may want to talk to them to see if they are facing any major stressors. Again, try to do this calmly and non-judgmentally. This is not easy but it is necessary.
How should a parent best handle the situation when their teen is becoming involved with a clearly “troubled” teen?
The first thing to do is to find out what your teen likes and values about the “troubled teen.” Even troubled teens have redeeming qualities. Remember you don’t want to criticize friends too harshly because teens take this very personally. Ask your teen what s/he gets out of the relationship. Your teen may secretly want help getting out of the relationship.
If you are concerned that the “troubled teen” is negatively influencing your teen then you must monitor the friendship & help your child phase it out. This won’t be easy and Yes your teen may get angry. Keep in mind that you must be able to tolerate your teen’s anger. Your main concern is their safety.
Remember, that you are their parent NOT their friend.
[ Feels like Teen Spirit – Part 2 ]
Such is a phrase I was happy to have avoided for the first 7 years of my son’s life. A quiet boy with a calm demeanor. Whenever we were with other families I was grateful that he wasn’t one of those roughhousing boys who wasn’t happy unless he was going full-tilt.
Imagine my surprise when my son got into sports…which started with baseball last summer. All of a sudden we were living and breathing it. Running, swinging and sliding ALL DAY LONG. I finally knew the true meaning of “boys will be boys.”
Now fast forward to winter… football season. It’s cold outside, and it’s a lot harder to get outside to run, but my 8 year old has become equally obsessed with football. So what’s a mom to do? Well, this mom found herself saying, “Boys will be boys!” and loosening the restrictions on running and throwing balls in the house.
OK, bad idea.
In his football madness, he was running full speed across the living room and dove for an imaginary ball. He hit his head so hard on the windowsill that he knocked himself out resulting in a CAT scan, a concussion and 10 stitches in his forehead. It was really terrifying, but guess what nearly every person who hears the story says… “Boys will be boys!”
So the question is, as a parent, How do you nurture your child’s evolving interests, especially if they involve risk (whether physical or emotional) while protecting him and encouraging him to make smart choices on his own?
You know, I’m stumped. Because my own child was up and running the day after his accident and can’t seem to stop! I have visions of duct taping him to the couch…at least until the stitches heal. I’d feel like a fraud if I tried to give advice, so please feel free to chime in with your own. I for one am just happy spring is almost here and we can get back outside.
Angela Santomero
