In this age of instant information, what if an app existed that could tell with 99% accuracy what your child will be as a 35yr old adult? Just enter your child’s information and it outputs the career, happiness level and relationship status of their 35yr old selves? However, whatever you do between now and then will not change the information at all.
How valuable would this information be to you? How would it affect the way in which you parent?
Would you narrow your vision of them..begin to tip the scale..supplying, perhaps prematurely, more of what that 35yr old will need and less of what they don’t?
Angela and I finally saw Emma Caulfield (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) in TiMER over the weekend. In the indie film, people are able to get a clock implanted on their wrist which counts down, to the second, to the time they meet their true love. Not only does this leave all the guesswork behind but the time leading up to that final day can be approached quite differently.
While the search for a “soul mate” concept is interesting from such a perspective, the movie made me think about my job as a parent. Knowing who our kids are today, do we unconsciously label them? Sometimes I feel that I feed the inner thespian in my oldest and malnourish her athletic ability or I strengthen the mathematician in my youngest, with lesser regard for that right side of her brain.
We all try to be well rounded as parents, supplying our kids with the palette and let them paint the way they see fit. But are we 100% unbiased or unobtrusive? Do we let our mistakes growing up affect our parenting decisions? Would we rather our kids take the road less traveled because we neglected to choose such a direction for ourselves?
If this fictitious app ever did exist, the world would be far too focused and..well, vanilla. I’m glad it doesn’t though because we can continue exposing our kids to diverse material with the hope that it helps bring them happiness and fulfillment.
As a parent, have you felt the need to get out of your child’s way at one time or another? If so, what areas have been particularly challenging?
With all of the screen media (iPads, iTouch, iPhone, Kindle, laptops, etc.) inundating our childrens’ lives, just as many varied answers exist regarding the limitations for such media. The American Academy of Pediatrics tried to address these concerns and released a statement in October which received a somewhat lackluster response from some educators, researchers and media professionals. Well, the NAEYC & The Fred Rogers Center for Early Learning & Children’s Media joined forces releasing their most powerful statement on March 7, 2012, essentially stating that screen technology for young children should not be vilified.
The statement goes on to explain that “our world and technology are rapidly changing”, producing new powerful and imaginative tools, which are not going to (nor should they) leave us. While we must always pay strict attention to the quality of our content, it’s never been more important to educate society on how to properly utilize such tools to benefit our children.
As a creator of thought provoking, quality content for children, I’ve been living that message to inspire children for almost twenty years…so it’s nice to have such power supporting my beliefs.
It’s about education. Not pointing fingers.
Such is a phrase I was happy to have avoided for the first 7 years of my son’s life. A quiet boy with a calm demeanor. Whenever we were with other families I was grateful that he wasn’t one of those roughhousing boys who wasn’t happy unless he was going full-tilt.
Imagine my surprise when my son got into sports…which started with baseball last summer. All of a sudden we were living and breathing it. Running, swinging and sliding ALL DAY LONG. I finally knew the true meaning of “boys will be boys.”
Now fast forward to winter… football season. It’s cold outside, and it’s a lot harder to get outside to run, but my 8 year old has become equally obsessed with football. So what’s a mom to do? Well, this mom found herself saying, “Boys will be boys!” and loosening the restrictions on running and throwing balls in the house.
OK, bad idea.
In his football madness, he was running full speed across the living room and dove for an imaginary ball. He hit his head so hard on the windowsill that he knocked himself out resulting in a CAT scan, a concussion and 10 stitches in his forehead. It was really terrifying, but guess what nearly every person who hears the story says… “Boys will be boys!”
So the question is, as a parent, How do you nurture your child’s evolving interests, especially if they involve risk (whether physical or emotional) while protecting him and encouraging him to make smart choices on his own?
You know, I’m stumped. Because my own child was up and running the day after his accident and can’t seem to stop! I have visions of duct taping him to the couch…at least until the stitches heal. I’d feel like a fraud if I tried to give advice, so please feel free to chime in with your own. I for one am just happy spring is almost here and we can get back outside.
My youngest daughter loves to climb. So on Saturday I took her to a professional rock climbing gym. Ten minutes later, with her acrophobic Dad safely planted on terra firma, Ella was at least five stories high, unafraid of her growing distance from the ground and that’s where it struck me..
she’s on her own. I can’t entirely protect her anymore, if I ever truly could. But isn’t that my job…
…to protect?
While she’s only eight, my baby’s getting older. She’s beaten me in chess and can leave me winded behind her in a race. So, I guess I taught her how to fish as opposed to having just given her a fish.
It still pangs me though.
How did this happen so fast? With our first child, I guess I didn’t notice how quickly time was flying by because we had another rising up right behind her. Angela told me that I’d eventually get it. I do now.
But I wanted to move onto the next stage of life. Now…not so sure. Both of my girls are climbing high and I couldn’t be prouder of them. I’m just concerned that if all I’ve ever been is the lead climber for all these years, can I comfortably make the switch to indifferently watch them fall from time to time?
I hope so.
I’m sure I’m not alone here. Any similar thoughts & if so, what’s helped you happily move ahead?
On Blue’s Clues, we intentionally designed our female puppy the color blue. Yes, a girl. And yes, blue. This still amazes plenty of people (especially the older set) upon realization of that little tidbit! We wanted to challenge preconceived notions that things don’t have to be a certain way, regardless of gender or any popular opinion for that matter.
When we categorize or generalize anything, we tend to put limitations on it or reign in our expectations for it. Needless to say, this is a definite no-no in the pursuit of raising an emotionally healthy child.
The problem is that I like personalization and every so often I’ll add an accessory or two with a splash of pink. So should this pink tool set upset me?
If I’m using a hammer or screwdriver in front of my girls does it matter if it just so happens to match my T-shirt? I’m still modeling the strong, can-do woman that doesn’t need a dude to come home and fix it for little ol’ me, aren’t I?
Perhaps since my kids who played with traditionally colored Tinkertoys, have aged out of the Disney princess stage, it’s less apparent to me now. But especially at an age when they’re spending much longer periods of time interacting with their peers and a variety of adults…now is definitely not the time for me to let my guard down!
If anything, these pretty little tools should be a simple reminder that my kids should be raised to pursue a limitless future for themselves and NOT one defined by their gender.
Children face all sorts of difficulties and challenges in their day to day. How they approach these issues plays a large part in determining the outcome. It’s not uncommon for some to misstep, creating identity issues further resulting in different forms of addiction. So how best to deal with important decisions when young? N. Carolina’s tough love approach to childhood obesity wasn’t the least bit effective and with all sorts of informative PSA’s out there, record numbers of eating disorders still occur far from the catwalk.
Marlo Gruber lived through issues such as these, as well as her share of problems with relationships, illnesses and financial hardships. She had grown up in Belleville, NJ before moving to my quiet little suburban hometown of Harrington Park, NJ. In Belleville, people got along with “just enough” which kept them grounded but the scene in H.P. was quite different. Marlo quickly learned that having the stuff isn’t (and most importantly shouldn’t) be everything. Such was the impetus of W.I.N. as what’s often portrayed on the outside, is far from what occurs within.
As an adult, Marlo has developed the W.I.N. (wish, imagine, nourish) program to support and assist children that are going through difficult times. She told me “I didn’t see any support for the challenges kids face, with the struggle to keep up with the false identity society often portrays. As a child I felt compelled to follow & conform to fit in. Trying to be someone I was not. I knew I had something unique to share but allowed it to diminish, to “look” good. I now see my daughter and her friends going through this same struggle and my passion has now been ignited”.
W.I.N. is a step by step program identifying each child’s individual needs. The program “has them focus on the PURSUIT of what they’re trying to achieve, building character by applying self discipline, commitment, responsibility, creativity, virtue, & confidence.” Backed by a NJ Psychologist and Pediatrician, Marlo’s program provides them with the tools to build the individual that they want to be.
Nothing spells success better than that.
Call it old school if you’d like, but table manners haven’t been tossed to the curb with your Commodore 64. They’re still applicable in our modern day. For the final Parent Show installment based on manners, we discussed this topic with Anna Post, the great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post.
We talked about the benefits of starting the “process” young. And while this definitely helps, parents’ expectations need to be realistic based on their child’s age. Anna gives us some great tips that set them up for success, rather than the ineffective parental nagging about what they should or shouldn’t do. And yes, parental modeling plays a huge part in the quest for table manners that are unlike a vernicious knid’s.
So check out PBS Parents’ The Parent Show: Pardon My Parenting: Episode 3. Slouch even…should you prefer to.
Angela Santomero
